Support groups are not helpful if they keep you stuck in your stuff.

 I went to one support group meeting about a year into my diagnosis. I was struck by the stories in the room. It wasn’t so much the content of the stories, we all have stories. It was the fact that they had all been there before and it sounded as though the issues were not changing. Also, other than each person sharing their story there was no support going on from the facilitators.

As a NBC-HWC I am trained in helping people move forward. Therapy is about the past, health coaching is about moving forward and taking action. So when a person who had not gone back to work for three months post lumpectomy and had taken no other treatment actions, even though they had a plan, asked me at the end of the meeting how I went back to work 10 days after surgery I didn’t know how to answer her. Going back to work was just a thing I did because no one told me I couldn’t. I was also at the meeting as a participant. I was not in the headspace of a coach. I remember thinking to myself, why isn’t someone guiding this group? When I left that meeting, I thought that was not a room for me. I guess I don’t need a support group.

When I went to my first Casting For Recovery retreat as a participant, I discovered that organic conversations and asking each other questions about what we were experiencing in this post treatment world we now lived and what, if any, tips we had to share with each other was an experience that worked better for me.

I am not saying support groups do not work. I am just saying my experience at that first group didn’t feel helpful. Support groups in my mind should help you move beyond the challenges and feelings. If you are angry and you cannot move beyond that anger you need different support. If you are stuck and have no idea what to do next, you need different support. If that isn’t happening in whatever way you seek support you should be provided referrals to the right people to get the support you need to move forward. 

Did you go to a support group? Was it awesome? Was it less so? What worked? What may have been better? I am curious to hear your experiences.

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